and so it begins.

I registered this blog so long ago.  I had high hopes of turning it into some sort of crafty, cooking, sewing type blog.  But something happened.  My mom, who had terminal cancer, needed my help.  This blog, my life, everything was put on the back burner.  Together with my father, I have spent the past several years putting my mother first.  It was the least I could do.  Up until last week, it was the hardest thing I had ever done.  Sometimes I treasured all the time we spent together and sometimes I hated being everything for her.

Something changed.  Almost exactly one week ago my mother died.  She was at home, she was in her bed, and she was surrounded by her family.  We held her hands and touched her shoulders.  We told her it was okay, she could go.  And she did.

I am now figuring out what is next.  I am processing.  All I want to do is lay in bed and wallow, but I am not.  I am sure I will, but up until today there was still work to be done.  Arrangements to be made and memorials to be planned.  Not anymore.

All I want is to crawl into bed next to her and talk about anything, but I can’t.

I never will again.

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